Never again will I be putting myself through this emotional train wreck that is Clomid. I have had enough. I've had enough of ALL of the hormones that I have been on for the last 5 months. I have become a monster this cycle. A Monster.
I also haven't believed for one minute that this cycle may end up with a BFP at the end of this dreadful cycle. I have been buried at work, working major overtime, so I could not express these feelings earlier. I have been obsessed with my lack of Cervical Mucus while on Clomid. Without it I just don't have a good feeling about these cycles. The first month of Clomid, fresh off surgery and a estadriol and provera hormone cocktail, I ovulated on CD10 or CD9 on my own before being monitored. No CM in sight for that cycle - BFN. Round Two of Clomid had me ovulate on CD12 the day after the trigger shot, no CM whatsoever - BFN. This Cycle, Round Three, I am on par to ovulate today, CD11, and AGAIN I have no CM to speak off despite my efforts.
I have been taking 1200mg of the active ingredient in Mucinex since Tuesday. Not successful for me. I'm not sure if it is because I also have a cold right now and it isn't as effective as if I were well or not. Regardless, I am not feeling great about our chances this time around.
Why am I feeling defeated already? Well, the first two times we got pregnant I had an abundance of EWCM on ovulation day. I am convinced that it was a major factor in our success those cycles. It helps the sperm get to where it needs to go. Yes, there is pre-seed, which we have been using, but it is just a substitute for the real thing and it 'wears off' sooner than natural EWCM.
Before this cycle my husband and I decided that we would give Clomid a try this cycle and take the next cycle off. We need a break. Him for work, me for my sanity. I am glad we have already made that decision. I was never more in need of a break from these hormones. I cannot stand myself any longer. Hopelessness has begun to take over and that is not good. I almost feel like giving up completely. And that breaks my heart.
Rainbow: We are almost in the two week wait
Rainshower: My mood and emotions this cycle are not helped by Mother's Day and another pregnancy announcement of a friend. When is rains it pours.