Friday, March 29, 2013

The Game Plan for Clomid Cycle #2

So I ovulated yesterday. I'm pretty sure I did, I should say.

Now I am awaiting my next cycle.

The next cycle will be the Second Clomid Cycle. Interestingly, my RE is upping my Clomid dose to 100mg. I will go in for a baseline ultrasound on CD3 and will start Clomid that night.

I was a little surprised that he is upping my dosage but he had a look at everything that happened in my first, and utterly wonky, Clomid cycle so I know he has a grasp at the big picture of those findings. I trust him though, so if he says up it we then will go ahead and follow his recommendation.

We sat out this cycle. Mainly because I want to do as our RE stated at our first appointment with him. "Set us up for success," he said. Bring on the success :)

I'm expecting my next cycle to begin on April 11. We will see if I'm right.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Me, The Human Pin Cushion

I had blood drawn today.  To confirm that I am not pregnant.  It's office protocol.

Another blood test.  As I was leaving the office it occurred to me that I no longer have a phobia of needles in the least bit. 

When I had my first blood draw I was 17 or 18 and terrified.  I only had my blood drawn a few times in my 20's and was almost as terrified.  Now that I am in my 30's I feel like a human pin cushion.  It really doesn't even bother me anymore either.  It is like flying I guess.  I was terrified about that in the beginning too.  I didn't fly at all when I was young and only took my second flight while in college.  Now I have a frequent flier account.  I have no fear while flying much like I have no fear of the blood draw.

I'm not modest in the least anymore at the doctors office either.   I've had more transvaginal ultrasounds than I can count.  Not to mention my HSG and sonohystogram.  I'm viewing this all as practice and preparation for a real-life pregnancy.  I will be bulletproof soon.

If you couldn't tell, I'm looking for my silver-lining because I am a little down right now.  I'm not sure what it is but I'm consumed with all-things-pregnant these days.  youtube, babycenter, pinterest, blogger, maternity clothes.  I am obsessed.

I assume I will get a call from the doctor tomorrow with the results and next steps.  I half expect him to want to see me in his office for an appointment to talk about what the heck happened during my first clomid cycle.  I sort of already know what happened - the provera messed me up.

I'm looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.

Rainbow:      My hormones are finally under control again.  The clomid has left my system, just in time for an awful cold to settle in.
Rainshower:  It is unfortunate that I have to look for these silver-linings month after month.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Hindsight is 20/20

I touched on this topic in my post a few days ago about how our first Clomid cycle was a bust before it was even over.

On the bright side I didn't really have much of a two-week wait to agonize over because it was only 4 days after ovulation that I started my period. Surprising, right?

In hindsight I should have known better than to jumpstart my period with provera because I respond so poorly to hormones BUT when you want a baby it is hard to think rationally all the time.

You see, that month, that first cycle after my surgery, was our last shot at a '2013 baby'. Now we will be working on a '2014 baby'. What's the big deal?

It's the psychology of it all.

We have been at this since 2011. Our first baby would have been a '2012 baby'. Our second baby 2012, too. Our third baby would have been a '2013 baby'.

It didn't help that it took 6 LONG months to conceive our third baby.

It also didn't help having to sit sidelined for 8 months while trying to be diagnosed with a subclinical hypothyroid disorder and the discovery of a uterine polyp (& surgery) after our third loss.

You can't blame a girl for being anxious to get started again, can you?

We are moving ahead though.

After my mandated pregnancy test on Monday I will have a better idea of what our next steps are. My RE is making me take a pregnancy test even though the odds of sustaining a pregnant through my period have to be minuscule. Rules are rules. FYI - I KNOW I'm not pregnant because I take my basal body temperature every morning.

I'm interested in hearing my RE's thoughts about why my cycle was wonky and if he will recommend a change in our approach considering I ovulated SO soon on the first round of Clomid. Only time will tell.

Rainshower: I'm waiting for another period. It seems I have had a period for an entire month.

Rainbow: I am determined that 2014 is the year of the baby:)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Warning: Fertility drugs and alcohol do not mix

A word to the wise: fertility drugs and alcohol do NOT mix.

I thought that when my husband suggested that we go out to eat and that I should have TWO margaritas - it was a good idea (in fact NOT a good idea).

Oh boy.

I'm drunk. i'm not beating around the bush. I'm a wasted,emotional mess. I'm a crying heap of a woman. It stinks. I'm already feeling bad about tomorrow and it still TODAY.

It's official. This cycle is a bust :(

Hindsight is 20/20.

I should have known my body would need time to come off all the hormones before putting it back on hormones with Clomid.

I shouldn't have even used Provera to induce my period in the first place. I should have just waited it out and let the hormones work themselves out of my system.

My body is thoroughly confused.

My spotting has turned to more of a light period yesterday which has worsened today. FYI, I'm on/should be on CD 14!

I called the Doctor this morning. He thinks its best to stop the progesterone and just wait it out. I completely agree.

No 2013 baby for us.

One minute I'm upset the next I'm completely fine with this bump in the road. These damn hormones are making me weepy, with good reason.

To top it all off, a good friend just announced that she's pregnant. And with twins. I was completely surprised that she was pregnant, let alone with twins. I was extremely excited for her but in that next instant I was completely jealous.

Now I wait and see. I'm still a year away from a baby. Always a year.

This is my life. I live it as best I can.

Rainshower: There will be no 2013 baby for us, just a UTI and a never-ending period for me.

Rainbow: My friend is expecting twins!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I'm discouraged already

Unfortunately the Provera had messed with my hormones as I suspected.

Let me backtrack: I was prescribed the Provera to induce my period after restraining it with Estradiol after my polyp removal surgery. I had a feeling all of these hormones were going to throw me out of balance even before i started the Clomid but I wanted to follow my Doctors orders.

Now, I'm 3DPO and I STILL have what I would call a light period. I've been bleeding and at least spotting since March 1 (13 days now).

I'm not so much worried about the spotting (because i know the cause-all the medication) as I am about whether my uterus is a warm and welcoming place right now. I'm leaning towards that NOT being the case.

I may discouraged right now but I am hopeful that the progesterone I start tonight will help to stop this spotting. Fingers crossed.

I'm hopeful that this spotting will cease just in time for my hopefully-fertilized-egg (fingers crossed) to enter the uterus because I know it takes 3-4 days just to move through my Fallopian tubes.

Oh the things I have learned in my many two-week-waits!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Another day, another surprise

A urinary tract infection. Yup, Lucky me.

First it was a persistent low-grade fever (which I still have), then hunger pangs and hot flashes, next was early ovulation and now I have a urinary tract infection to go along with my agitation at anyone who is speaking. Just peachy. I am soooo thrilled.

Tomorrow night (3DPO) I start progesterone to boot. I wonder what THAT will bring?


Strangely this UTI makes me optimistic. I know it's possible to get pregnant while taking my antibiotics. I know because I have done it before. My third pregnancy was accompanied by a UTI in the TWW. Granted it did not end as we hoped but there are a few differences this cycle over that one (most importantly my thyroid is under control, I'm also Clomid and progesterone).

Call me superstitious, but I think this UTI might be the luck I need this cycle :)

Rainshower: I'm physically miserable in many ways.
Rainbow: I'm still hopeful that this might be the last time I toil over this two week wait. We shall see.

Monday, March 11, 2013

I ovulated on CD10?!?! Are you kidding me?

Holy Moly! 

I went in for my CD10 ultrasound to check the size and count the number of follicles and came out thinking that I wasn't responding well to the 50 mg of clomid I took on CD4-8.  The ultrasound tech told me that I had 2 cysts (of untold size) on my left ovary, and 10 follicles (between both ovaries) all under 10 mm so I was scheduled to come in again on CD 13 to be checked again.  I left the appointment a little disheartened because from what I have read about other peoples experiences they at least had follicles that were larger than 10 mm.  I thought "oh, no.  Now I'm going to be ovulating while out of state and won't be able to be monitored as closely as I had wanted."  This is my first round of clomid after all, and I wanted to be sure that I don't get hyper stimulated and produce too many eggs.

I went home, did some goggling of course, and really started to get down about this cycle.  I know, I know, it was too soon for that but I just did not expect to get those ultrasound results.  Remember, I DO ovulate on my own regularly.  The clomid was just for an extra shot at conceiving quickly and more so with stronger eggs.

Well, fast forward a couple of hours and I get a call from the nurse.  She says, "the doctor on-call has looked at your chart and she thinks that you just ovulated.  Have sex today!"  WHAT?!

I'm so confused. 

She told me that those cysts weren't bad.  They were actually the good kind of cysts.  Like the kind that are just about to ovulate.   I was dumbfounded.  Apparently I responded WELL to the clomid.  Too well?  In one way I think 'too well' because I'm not sure how many dominant follicles I had and how many eggs had the potential to pop.  More worry about hyperstimulation.  Also, worry about potentially having only one egg to work with.  I realize that is a contradiction.  I guess the bigger issue is all of the unknowns that go along with ovulating before being monitored. 

Something I left out when initially speaking about my ultrasound was that the ultrasound tech was puzzled when she was measuring the cysts on my left ovary.  She did a double take and remeasured one of the cysts because it shrank in front of her eyes.  She showed me a side-by-side comparison with the photos she took as she measured.  It was amazing to see the difference.  At the time I thought "Good.  Go away cyst" but after hearing from the nurse later in the afternoon and telling my husband the whole story he looked at me and said "the ultrasound tech watched you ovulate!" 

Holy Moly!  I just have to believe that was what happened.  It makes sense.  It was there at the beginning of the ultrasound and gone by the end.  I watched myself ovulate on the ultrasound screen.  What are the odds of THAT?!

So, I guess I am 1 DPO already.  Wow!  Thank goodness I opted for a CD10 ultrasound instead of the CD11 one.  We caught it in the nick of time.

Rainshower: I have more questions than answers right now.
Rainbow:      I'm already in my TWW!  Thankfully I have a busy week and a half ahead of me to keep my mind off of all-things-baby.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Clomid begins & my husband has the flu

Yup. I started Clomid last night (a day late but that's a different story). I'm excited but nervous at the same time. Not the nervous you may expect though.

I'm nervous because my husband has the flu. (Not the stomach flu but that other flu. I've never had that type of flu so what do I know.) I'm nervous because I don't want to get the flu too. I would likely be at the peak of my flu symptoms or on the upswing when I ovulate. Boooo!

I'm determined not to let it stop us from TTC though. I'm taking Clomid so we have to try. I don't want to waste a medicated cycle because of illness. That would just make all of the side effects pointless. And I've already written about how I feel about pointless side effects.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out and also update about starting Clomid.

Rainbows: I was cleared to start Clomid. Being nervous about getting the flu might actually be nicer than the other things I could be nervous about right now.

Rain showers: Illness threatens to derail this cycle. There is plenty pf time for cycle nerves to settle in.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

It's CD2 and I've never been happier about that

So the waiting is over. It's CD2. It's on!

I'm excited start the process again with my new team of doctors that I have full confidence in.

How convenient that CD1 is March 1. Coincidence? I think not:)

Here's the plan:
Sunday, CD3 - baseline ultrasound
Tuesday, CD5 - begin 50 mg Clomid (Clomiphene) on days 5-9
CD10 or 11 - first ultrasound to measure follicle(s)
Ultrasounds from there until ovulation
Ovidrel shot (unless we are away traveling)
Progesterone (Crinone) after confirmed ovulation.

Wish me luck with my Clomid side effects. I anticipate becoming a hormonal mess for the entire month of March. BUT I'm much happier with the hormonal mess I may become than the hormonal mess I have been after my polyp removal surgery. It is with a purpose. There is a possible positive outcome associated with the side effects. So I will suck it up and get through it. I will do as I tell my husband, "suck it up Nancy."

Rainshower: We are back on the TTC merry-go-round. There is no telling how long we will be here but we are hopeful that it happens quickly, of course.

Rainbow: We have a new plan with new Doctors and a fresh start. Fingers crossed.