Friday, January 31, 2014

I'm 90% certain

I'm 90% certain...that I'm not pregnant and that I am a nutcase.

I have lost the faith.  I will be testing tomorrow morning though regardless of how I feel now.  Why?  I don't know.  Maybe because tomorrow afternoon I may feel differently than I do now and will become obsessive if I don't test.  Interesting logic, right?  Stranger things have happened.

Seeing a negative test doesn't upset me when I am 90% certain it will be negative but seeing a positive could really make my weekend.  Regardless, I'd like to just get it out if the way.  

Maybe that is what testing tomorrow is all about... Getting it out of the way.  I'd much rather test negative on a Saturday than on a Monday.  If I tested negative on a Monday morning I would dwell on it all day at work whereas on Saturday I would be able to focus on other things in my free time.

It's been 2.75 years.  

I am telling you 2014 is the year.  It is!  I know I said that about 2012 and 2013 but this time I mean it. 

 If for nothing else 2014 is the year that I start liking my life more.  It is the year to quit my job and focus on myself for once.  The year to be taken care of rather than caring for others.  Maybe 2014 will be my year of selfishness.  I think I am entitled to a little of it.

Ugh.  Selfish.  I don't like the sound of that.

I don't know what I am trying to say anymore or how I ended up here I. This thought process but this is a look into my fragile state at the moment.  Little things can snowball into big things in no time.  It's a challenge, surely.

At least it's Friday.  Yippee for Friday.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

An interesting couple of months.

I was upset to find out that our December cycle was cancelled but didn't dwell on it too much.  The holiday season distracted me accordingly just as it would have if I had a two week wait.

Surprisingly, my December ovulation was delayed by more than a couple days due to a bad cold.  This is a surprise because on the 2.5 years of BBT charting I have never, and I mean NEVER, had a delayed ovulation due to illness.  This was unfortunate considering our timing, my sickness and the late realization of the delayed ovulation.  We miss the window. 

That was unfortunate but at least the delayed ovulation situation kept things interesting.

Interestingly, it happened again this month!  Just as I was getting over the cold from last month I caught another one.  This one was much milder so I didn't expect it to delay ovulation but IT DID.  This was a very welcome realization because it meant that we could try this month when we though we otherwise would miss the opportunity due to my husbands work travel plans.  What a nice surprise.

So I am in my TWW.  I am 9 DPO.  I am doing pretty well.  I am not too obsessed.  I will be testing on 11 DPO, so on Saturday.  Lately my LP phase has been 10-12 days-shorter than I'd like. 

I am not too hopeful, honestly.  We have been at this for so long without a positive test that I have my expectations set on IVF.  But that is another post.

And so I wait.  

Rainshower:  having delayed ovulation brought on by back to back colds is not pleasant.

Rainbow:  The delayed ovulation allowed is to try this month when we otherwise expected to miss the window.