Friday, January 31, 2014

I'm 90% certain

I'm 90% certain...that I'm not pregnant and that I am a nutcase.

I have lost the faith.  I will be testing tomorrow morning though regardless of how I feel now.  Why?  I don't know.  Maybe because tomorrow afternoon I may feel differently than I do now and will become obsessive if I don't test.  Interesting logic, right?  Stranger things have happened.

Seeing a negative test doesn't upset me when I am 90% certain it will be negative but seeing a positive could really make my weekend.  Regardless, I'd like to just get it out if the way.  

Maybe that is what testing tomorrow is all about... Getting it out of the way.  I'd much rather test negative on a Saturday than on a Monday.  If I tested negative on a Monday morning I would dwell on it all day at work whereas on Saturday I would be able to focus on other things in my free time.

It's been 2.75 years.  

I am telling you 2014 is the year.  It is!  I know I said that about 2012 and 2013 but this time I mean it. 

 If for nothing else 2014 is the year that I start liking my life more.  It is the year to quit my job and focus on myself for once.  The year to be taken care of rather than caring for others.  Maybe 2014 will be my year of selfishness.  I think I am entitled to a little of it.

Ugh.  Selfish.  I don't like the sound of that.

I don't know what I am trying to say anymore or how I ended up here I. This thought process but this is a look into my fragile state at the moment.  Little things can snowball into big things in no time.  It's a challenge, surely.

At least it's Friday.  Yippee for Friday.

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