Seeking Control

Some weekends my time is consumed by all things baby/miscarriage.  I login to my websites, read forum posts and research the many things that ‘could’ be wrong with me, etc.  Then other weekends I don’t really give it much thought, which are the best kind of weekends.

I was able to get a few things done around the house this past weekend.  I find that when I am able to fill my time with these types of things, things I enjoy doing, my workweek begins much better.

I won’t lie; I’m quite frustrated with my husband right now.  He is dragging his heels on a pretty big project at our house.  He is in charge of Step 1, Demolition, so we can hire a contractor to do the job (because I’m fed up with waiting for him to get around to the rest of it).  He has avoided this project since January.  I have done 75% of it myself so far.  I’m just asking for help with the last 25%.  Apparently this is too much to ask.

Why is the demolition  a big deal?  -I feel like the only place I have control is at home. 

The things I can’t control:

• my job
• my body
• my ability to carry a baby to term

Home is the only place I have control.  Home is my safe place, the place that makes me happy, gives me hope.  I can control its appearance and I thoroughly enjoy altering it to make it our own, especially because I am a creative type. 

So, get with the program, husband.  Please help me be distracted from the many things out of my control.  Help me feel progress at home because I’m not moving ahead anywhere else in my life. 

Rainbow:              When a baby eventually arrives my house will be in perfect shape.  You know, just in time to be destroyed by a toddler.

Rainshower:       I need help with household projects and I don’t have any help.