We don’t talk about it, why? I’ll tell you why I have chosen not to talk
about it at this point. (Yes that is
right, I have spoken about my heartache with almost no one, not even my mother,
yet here I am writing my entire experience for you to read.) I chose not to talk about it because I do not
believe that singular experiences, no matter how painful or profound, should
define you in the eyes of friends, family, strangers and coworkers. I don’t want the sympathetic
faces staring at me. I don’t want to be
pitied. I don’t want you to look at me
any differently. I don’t even want to
hear your story about that one miscarriage you had between your 3rd
and 4th child. Lucky you –
you can have children. I still don’t
even know if it is possible for me. At this point I’ve
had two back-to-back miscarriages. No
one shares the same situation, not even the women that have suffered multiple
or recurrent miscarriages like me.
The truth is - a miscarriage
conversation is uncomfortable for everyone involved. No one knows what to say or do and no one
wants to upset anyone else. The most
compelling reason for me not to speak about my miscarriage is that I am
terrified that someone I confide in will break my heart by unknowingly saying
the wrong thing and I just cannot bear to lose any more than I already have.
I want you to believe that there are
rainbows and unicorns when it is your turn to have a baby.
Statistically speaking it is true.
I just happen to be on the other side of the statistic. Repeatedly.
That is hard for me.
It is especially hard for me to talk
about. So I write. So I hope that I can be an inspiration to
someone. So I read blogs. So I joined a multiple miscarriage forum
online. So I continue to push
ahead. So I continue to dream. So I continue to be reassured by the stories I
hear from other women out there like me.
So I move forward the best way I know how. So I hope that someday I will be a success
story. I hope for my rainbow baby so I
can fill the nursery with rainbows and unicorns.
Rainshower: Miscarriages are emotionally wrenching.
Rainbow: After a miscarriage you really appreciate the miracle of
life.
We all do what's best for us and I wouldn't change your approach since it's clearly working for oyu, but I have found that talking about my four consecutive miscarriages with people (I've been open as the last one kinda put a few cracks in my sanity as I was in my 2nd trimester so had already told the world, and had a really hard time dealing with that last loss). I've found great support as a result, and been able to give it to women just starting out with infertility/miscarriage. Find support where you are able, and I hope you will find peace in your journey, whatever that will mean for you.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from the Creme. I'm so sorry about your losses. I'm also sorry that you aren't able to talk about it with people in real life, but I do understand to a certain degree. Following my miscarriage, I could not talk to my mother-n-law for over a week. I also avoided talking to my sister. I was having a hard enough time dealing with my own grief, let alone dealing with their's on top of that. I am glad you have found an outlet in your writing. I really really hope you do end up with your rainbow baby!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your honesty. I am sorry that the people in your life haven't helped you feel safe enough to talk about your losses with them, but I'm glad you can find comfort in writing and sharing your story with the online community. I have had two miscarriages - one very early and one at 19 weeks. I am sort of on the opposite end of the spectrum in that I tend to over-share. I have heard my fair share of insensitive comments; that's for sure. It's important to protect your heart. I hope you find someone you can confide in soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments and concern. I just want to take a moment to let you know that there are now a few people that know my history and that I can talk to when I need to (including my mom and mother-in-law).
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog - this community is full of inspiring, honest people that open my eyes in so many ways.