Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A love/hate relationship with statistics

I have a love/hate relationship with statistics.  After the first miscarriage I was comforted by the statistic that 15-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, something I didn’t know before.  I was comforted in knowing that next time I’d have an 80% chance of success.  After the second miscarriage I felt that I won a bad luck lottery because the odds of having 2 recurrent miscarriages are 2.25%.  I really hated statistics after my 2nd miscarriage.  In time, I grew to love one statistic: the odds of having 3 recurrent miscarriages are 1%.  This statistic was in the bad of my mind as a result of my effort to remain positive and you know, find a rainbow.  Some would call this self-preservation. 

Well, now that I’ve had a 3rd miscarriage I’m back to hating statistics.  I swear - if I go back to the doctor and she says one more word about ‘the statistics’ I am going to blow a gasket in the middle of her sentence.  I’m talking a full-blown meltdown.  Thankfully though my husband will be at the appointment in anticipation of my meltdown.  I think that the second I sit down to talk to her the first words I say are going to be “whatever you do, don’t mention ANY statistics.”

Rainshower:      Why do I have to be that person in the 1% category?  The bad luck lottery just keeps knocking at my door.

Rainbow:          I have a followup appointment -an opportunity for a gameplan.  This is as positive as I can be right now.  Also, the 
odds are still in my favor to eventually have a successful pregnancy but I’m not in the place to accept that yet.

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