Friday, December 28, 2012

More of the Unexpected

I want to start this by saying that I absolutely adore my mother-in-law.  I truly do.  I am very lucky that my in-laws have always been so amazing to me.

I have talked to her at length about my miscarriages and all of my medical appointments, etc.  She understands that all of this has been difficult on me.  It has been so wonderful to be able to talk to her.

My mother-in-law worked full time and then part time before having her first child.  She stopped working when she was six months pregnant.  After having her son she did not return to work until her two kids were in high school, 15 years later.  She then worked part time for three years until the family moved across the country and hasn't worked out of the home since.  

That being said, I was sincerely surprised to hear her being less than supportive about the idea of me being a stay-at-home mom.  I was a little bewildered by her reaction when I had mentioned that we were considering it while in conversation today.

For the last couple of days she has made many mentions of how hard it was for her to be married to a work-a-holic (which my husband has also turned into) and taking care of the needs of her two kids and her husband while staying home full time.  In the past she has even made a point to mention that she didn't get pregnant, after years of trying, until she reduced her hours.  It almost sounded like she was encouraging me to reduce my hours too.

That is why I was so surprised to see her concern and hear her reservations about me possibly staying at home.  She was very polite and subtle but I could tell that she was bothered by it.  

We sort of changed topics and moved onto talking about something else but I can't help wondering why she was hesitant.  She did mention something about "you know, if your husband makes enough money..."   Is that the concern?  Does she think I'm just a free-loader?  Then she even mentioned something about my dream job.   "Would that make enough income?"  I was definitely taken aback by THAT.  Gee, thanks for making my dream job feel insignificant and not worth pursuing just like parents and teachers did to me as a child.

I'm just shocked.  And hurt.  I just don't know what to think about it all.  I could be reading too much into her reaction and words, of course.  Maybe she is just concerned that my husband doesn't make enough money.  Does she even know how much we make?  She might just be concerned about our stability and future lifestyle.  Lifestyle - what an interested sidebar that could be in this situation.

Rainshower:    The unexpected has, yet again on this trip, sent me to a self conscience place.  I now have one less person to confide in, I fear.  I'm in self preservation mode now.
Rainbow:         Fortunately these decisions are between my husband and myself.  I know who will be breaking the news to her when the time comes, and it will not be me. 

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