I am AGAIN anovulatory and I am quite upset about it.
I am supposed to have a CD 20 bloodtest tomorrow to confirm ovulation so I can begin Lupron for this IVF cycle.
I called the nurses' line this morning to fill them in and inquire about what to do.
The nurse flat out told me that confirming ovulation with basal body temperature charting isn't accurate.
Um, excuse me?
I've only been tracking ovulation using this method for the last 2 years or so. If it didn't work reliably I wouldn't continue to do it.
Anyway, she told me to come in tomorrow anyway so that the bloodwork can give us definitive answers. Ok.
I asked "what if it shows I didn't ovulate?"
She said "we will have you come back next week for more bloodwork"
I asked "so we aren't delayed another month?"
She said "no"
But what happens next week? What are they looking for in my blood work? So many questions.
I guess I am slightly relieved. But given my history I am not completely relieved. In the past my body has not cooperated with medical/prescription intervention.
Birth control? Complete Disaster.
Estrogen? Mood Swing City.
Provera? Back fire!
Clomid? No CM & Major Rage!
Follistim? Cysts afterwards.
Follistim again? Cysts & anovulation.
Now I am blaming myself. I can't help but think this is my fault because I took progesterone last month to bring on my next cycle. I should have just rode out the anovularory cycle last month. I knew I had healing cysts. I could feel them. I was impatient though. I knew better. I knew that this could happen. I should have resisted the urge to speed things up because now look, they are slowing down.
It is always something.
Am I ever going to get a break?
Am I ever going to be pregnant again?
Am I ever going to experience the worry of an impending miscarriage again?
Am I ever going to be okay if this doesn't work out at the end if the day?
Am I ever going to know when to give up on this and move ahead with adoption?
It is always something. Yes, I am getting ahead of myself here but seriously, enough is enough. I have had it. I am going to kick some butt in this IVF cycle. I am determined now. Bring on the delays. The problems. The OHSS. The bloat. The pain. The waiting. Bring it on. This body of mine WILL cooperate. I will not accept less. I will beat this. I will win.