I am afraid. I don't ordinarily allow myself to be be afraid, but right now I am afraid.
am fearful that even if I do get pregnant with Clomid that there is a
chance it may not work out. That doesn't scare me as much as the
thought of it NEVER working out though. (Meaning I may never bring a
child into the world)
I am fearful also that this will be another whack-o cycle and we will miss our shot at even getting pregnant.
My fear is ordinarily reserved for 'will I get pregnant this time?' and 'will I make it to six weeks/8 weeks/etc.?'
often does fear of a future with no children cross my mind but when it
does, good old self loathing comes to the surface too. It's really a
debilitating combo. And especially debilitating in the two week wait -
which I'm not even in yet. I'm waiting to ovulate or just ovulated.
gave myself the HCG Trigger shot last night and had a positive OPK this
morning and I'm nervous ALREADY. My mood swings aren't as bad as
during the first round, thankfully, but I can feel myself unraveling if I
allow myself to get too caught up in a negative thought. I'm feeling
pretty good physically but emotionally is another story.
the life I lead. It's too stressful most of the time. It is as though
my life revolves around having a baby, raising a baby, getting
pregnant, dressing a baby bump, designing a nursery. I'm steps ahead of
myself most of the time. I can't help it - it's just the way I am.
am so afraid that we won't get pregnant this cycle. It is a
debilitating, irrational fear but one I cannot shake. The thought of
going through this month after month AGAIN is too daunting to even write
more about it. Add the fact that I cannot take Clomid indefinitely and
that adds a lot of pressure. Pressure for me and pressure for my
husband. The pressure can be a huge problem.
Can you imagine the two week wait I am in store for if I'm already this anxious?
Rainbow: All hope is not lost
Rainshower: Nothing seems to be going my way.