Friday, October 12, 2012

I'm in a funk- a Post Dr. Appointment funk

I met a potential new OB today. She was recommended with the help of my Thyroid Doctor (who I really like) and another staff member in her practice. Both of these ladies thought she would be a good match for me and my multiple miscarriage situation.

I have been reading 'Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn'. In the book it talks about questions to ask a potential caregiver. I went prepared for a meet-and-greet which is what the appt was scheduled to be. I had questions about overall practice policies, birth practices, consent & refusal, hospital affiliations, frequency of checkups, etc.

A meet-and-greet is not what I got.

Don't get me wrong I think I like her. I think. She spoke very thoughtfully and expressed an understanding about how difficult all of this is on me. She did not, however allow me to ask any questions. In reflection, she did not understand my expectations. She was of the assumption that she was my new doctor and that she needed to gather the pertinent medical history and ask me if I wanted to see an RE.

I DO want to see an RE. She gave me a referral.

I think I'm in a funk because being back in a doctors office is like reopening wounds that are still healing. It is difficult. It is painful. It is also because I just have this overwhelming ever-present feeling that no one wants to hear me talk. I have things to say people. I have questions to ask. Do I have to be pushy to get these things accomplished? I guess so.

At the end of the day I think I like her. She didn't directly answer any of my questions but she was warm, reassuring and careful in her worded approach. These are all things that are MUCH better than the previous OB I was working with during my first two miscarriages.

Next step: a trip to a NEW Reproductive Endocrinologist.

I'm a little hesitant in the Doctor I ended up with, not because of his credentials (or anything professional for the matter) but because both my Thyroid Doctor and Potential OB both referred me to an RE who is booked until the New Year. I'm not waiting that long if I can help it. We want to try this next cycle (I should ovulate around Nov 3 or so). I want to be on Clomid and Prometrium. The Doctor i am seeing is still within the referred doctors' practice and is probably her boss so I'm ok with going ahead with him. I think it will be nice to have a male RE anyway.

Perhaps it's just the idea of being disrespected, heart broken and let down AGAIN by a medical professional that gives me all of this dread in seeing any new RE, period.

We shall see. My RE appointment is Halloween. Trick or treat. I'm hoping for treats :)

Rainbows: I may have found a anew OB and my funk may be lifting already.

Rainshowers: it seems as though ANY doctors office is going to stir up negative feelings and emotions. I guess I need to figure out a way to deal with it.

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