The silver lining I spoke of in my last post is gone. Our other embryo didn't make it to freeze.
Surprisingly, I am okay with that. I guess it is because we will get to do another fresh IVF cycle sooner than later. We get a do-over.
What I am not okay with is the thought that if that embryo didn't make it to freeze how are the embryos they transferred on Monday going to make it?
Admittedly, I'm in a glass half full type of mindset right now but I wasn't this way all day. I woke up feeling better about everything. Maybe writing the blog post last night helped. Maybe not. Who knows?
I often wonder how far we will take this IVF stuff. I think I've previously written that I couldn't envision too many more IVF cycles but now I am not so sure. You could call me a flip-flopper. Should I blame the seasons on that? Doctors giving me hope? Hormones? All of the above?
How much trying is enough? How do you decide that? I thought I went through a sense of acceptance last summer but that was before working with the reproductive immunologist. That was before we had a sort-of-diagnosis and something to go on. NOW how do we decide when enough is enough? It's like I am on another carousel ride, seeing the same scenery all over again.
Can we fast forward a few days and just get this over with? Am I or aren't I? If so, will I be able to keep it? If not, can I survive another miscarriage? Can I endure being childless? Where do we go from here?
I'm always ahead of myself. This two-week wait is just the worst. Thankfully tomorrow is my "Friday" so I can keep myself busy and keep my mind off of the wait. Ugh.