We had our uneventful transfer on Tuesday, July 29. It went very well. I had no cramping and no spotting, just like last time. We transfered two day-five blasts, both rated as a 6 out of 8 (or "average quality" according to the Doctor). Beta day is Monday, August 11 (CD32/18 DPO/13DPT). This seems like a ridiculously long wait compared to other people, but whatever.
I have *not* been feeling too hopeful in the last few days. I was looking for symptoms but there weren't any to read into other than some frequent urination (at night) which has since passed and a brief bout of nausea yesterday (but I can blame that on me being in denial about my lactose intolerance).
This afternoon I gave in and tested. BFN. Yes, it could be a false negative. My urine may have been diluted. But I just know it to be true. I am already looking ahead to another round of IVF but not looking forward to the follow up appointment with our Doctor.
Ugh. Will I ever get off this hamster wheel? Will I ever be able to use vacation days for vacation again instead of doctors appointments and egg retrievals? Seriously. For once I'd like to be able to think about and plan a vacation without thoughts like:
* What if I am pregnant?
* Where will I be in my cycle?
* Will we have to miss a TTC cycle?
* What if I have morning sickness?
What if... I am beginning to tire of the 'what ifs'. I am tired of having our circumstance hold us back from living our lives.
But hey, as I type this me two cats are cuddled up on my lap comforting me. I could not be happier to see them once we returned home from our trip.
Things could be so much worse. I could be depressed. I could be resentful. I could be mad as hell. But I am none of those things. We have more try's. We can do more IVF cycles. We can start talking about adoption.
It will be okay. I am ok. I promise.