Wednesday, August 6, 2014

CD 26 - Frozen Embryo Cycle (from IVF #1)

Today is CD 26.  13 DPO.  8 DPT.

We had our uneventful transfer on Tuesday, July 29.  It went very well.  I had no cramping and no spotting, just like last time.  We transfered two day-five blasts, both rated as a 6 out of 8 (or "average quality" according to the Doctor).  Beta day is Monday, August 11 (CD32/18 DPO/13DPT).  This seems like a ridiculously long wait compared to other people, but whatever.

I have *not* been feeling too hopeful in the last few days.  I was looking for symptoms but there weren't any to read into other than some frequent urination (at night) which has since passed and a brief bout of nausea yesterday (but I can blame that on me being in denial about my lactose intolerance).  

This afternoon I gave in and tested.  BFN.  Yes, it could be a false negative.  My urine may have been diluted.  But I just know it to be true.  I am already looking ahead to another round of IVF but not looking forward to the follow up appointment with our Doctor.

Ugh.  Will I ever get off this hamster wheel?  Will I ever be able to use vacation days for vacation again instead of doctors appointments and egg retrievals?  Seriously.  For once I'd like to be able to think about and plan a vacation without thoughts like: 

* What if I am pregnant?
* Where will I be in my cycle?
* Will we have to miss a TTC cycle?
* What if I have morning sickness? 

What if...  I am beginning to tire of the 'what ifs'.  I am tired of having our circumstance hold us back from living our lives.

But hey, as I type this me two cats are cuddled up on my lap comforting me.   I could not be happier to see them once we returned home from our trip.

Things could be so much worse.  I could be depressed.  I could be resentful.  I could be mad as hell.  But I am none of those things.  We have more try's.  We can do more IVF cycles.  We can start talking about adoption.  

It will be okay.  I am ok.  I promise.

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