It's a slow day at the office. This allows baby-brain to take center stage.
I like to be busy. I prefer to be busy.
Busy makes the day go faster and doesn't allow baby-brain to take over.
I am not a fan of slow days like today and the baby-brain thoughts that creep into my head.
So far today:
I've calculated my due date and trimester dates for my next cycle which is still a week away.
I've thought about WHEN my baby shower would be if the next cycle is THE cycle.
I've looked at and edited my maternity savings calculation excel document.
I've logged onto babycenter.com a half dozen times to read BFP stories.
I haven't stopped refreshing my YouTube feed for new videos from the TTC community I follow.
I've visualized the nursery and the buys I need to look out for during this garage sale season. Yup I already have it designed in my head.
I've contemplated the impending hormonal mess I will again become on Clomid Cycle #2. I'm quite scared that an increased dose will increase my level of crazy.
I've visited my secret 'baby board' on Pinterest to look at my maternity clothes pins as well as adding new 'hospital bag' blogposts from new mommies.
And it's still only 3:40pm. Two more hours to fill. Two more hours to obsess. Two more hours for doubt to set in. Two more hours to potentially fall apart.
Yup. That's baby-brain alright.
Rainbow: I'm thankful that we are able to TTC again. Having this sort of baby brain is better than the self loathing when we were benched from it.
Rainshower: I have a life outside of TTCing that unfortunately gets pushed to the background on days like today. Not good.
Just wanted to say I stumbled upon your Blog and it is comforting to me. I recently experienced 2 miscarriages in 3 months, and am on a emotional roller coaster. Nobody understands it, and I too hate talking about it with people I know. Thanks for putting this out there, I hope it helps others as it has helped me.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your sweet comment. It is nice to hear that my words have helped you.
DeleteI am sorry about your losses and the emotional roller coaster you are currently on. Your comment brought me back to my second (and hardest) miscarriage - I know exactly what you mean by roller coaster. It is agonizing.
Be kind to yourself and in time remember: without the rain there would be no rainbow.