It's been awhile and I'm kind of excited

I’ve been busy.  Early autumn has shaped up to be a very busy time for me.  

I was relieved after my endocrinologist appointment.  My relief was quickly replaced with a wake up call.  I’ve put off a lot of things this summer that needed to now happen ASAP.  The most pressing issue is our boiler.  Long story short – our vintage boiler was ‘condemned’ by the gas company back in May out of safety concerns.  Thankfully it was May and it wasn’t an emergency situation.  Unfortunately it was May and needing heat seemed so far off thus allowing me to put off the less than glamorous task of boiler shopping.  I’m awake now that it is officially fall and it is starting to get cold, especially at night.  The wheels are now in motion for heat thankfully.  

I’m awake too from my delayed miscarriage grief.  The sort of grief I didn’t think I would experience when I found out I was miscarrying without knowing I was pregnant and without becoming excited over a positive pregnancy test.   The grief slowly crept up on me I guess.  I think the hormones had something to do with it but who knows.

Regardless, I’m starting to feel better.  A little more like myself.  

We are going to start TTCing again in the next couple of months.  I have an appointment with a potential OB and will also be requesting a referral to a new RE for an opinion about how to proceed. 

The thought of TTCing again has me excited.  It is a welcome relief to the hampster wheel I felt I was on during the last go-round (6 long, impatient cycles passed before our surprise miscarriage). 

Rainshower:  I am of course nervous that we will be on the TTC hampster wheel for what seems like eternity…and of course that we will have yet another miscarriage (which would make #4).

Rainbow:  The idea of TTCing is again exciting.  It feels like we reset button has been pushed which is a welcome change-of-pace. 

My Endocrinologist Appointment went well

She was nice. She was sympathetic. She let me talk. She listened. She did an ultrasound. She said I was 'rational'.

She doesn't believe that my thyroid is a factor in my pregnancy losses. She wouldn't treat my with meds if I were not trying to have a baby. She is treating me with a low dose medication because it can't hurt. She doesn't believe that the meds will help with my thyroid symptoms (fatigue, joint pain, thirst). She knows that treating me will make me feel better so she is obliging.

She recommended a new OB and RE. She made sure I scheduled a 'new patient' appt with the OB before leaving.

She doesn't feel the need to wait until trying to conceive again.

She will check my TSH levels again in 8 weeks.

She put my mind at ease.

It was glorious. I feel great even knowing that she is simply pacifying me because she knows that half the battle is having a good support system and supportive health providers.

What a welcome change.

Do I believe that my TSH levels are not the problem? I don't know but I feel better knowing that the level will go down and that they will continue to be monitored. Success.

Today was a good day.

Rainshower: none here today.
Rainbow: I feel so much better knowing that I will start meds soon.

Endocrinologist appointment on Tues

My appointment is less than a week away! I am very excited about that because I don't have to wait long to be seen.

The endocrinologist I was considering seeing wasn't available until DECEMBER. I can't imagine waiting that long with my thyroid symptoms and 'baby on the brain'.

I was hesitant to just go with a referral from my primary care physician. But now I'm a little more at ease because she has worked on a study and subsequent journal article with the guy booked through December. Woohoo. I have a good feeling about this.

This is when it pays off to live in New England-land of medical research.

I have continued hope that I can be treated and start trying for a baby soon (hopefully by November if everything goes well)

Rainshower: I'm impatient to get treatment.
Rainbow: I'm happy that my Endocrinologist seems more inclined (on paper at least) to treat me for sub clinical hypothyroidism. Fingers crossed.

Thyroid antibodies - negative

Yup. No thyroid antibodies are present. Next stop - a thyroid specialist.

Ugh. I'm getting frustrated now. Hopefully I'll be able to get an appointment sooner than later.

Rainshower: More waiting to feel better and have a baby. I'm getting so discouraged.
Rainbow: At least the results are all in now.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day!

Disclaimer - I've had a few drinks:)

I'm at home enjoying a few beers after a long couple of days of playing catch up.   I've been catching up on the housework I've been putting off over the last couple of weeks.  I even managed to do a little painting... it's been productive.

On the other hand this is not something that I should find myself doing over the Holiday weekend - woah is me, right?

I wish it didn't have to be this way.  I wish my husband was more involved in the day to day duties aside from mowing the lawn and taking out the garbage.  I wish I was well enough not to be complaining about all of this.  I wish that my fatigue and joint pain didn't force me to have to use a long holiday weekend to catchup on housework because I know I have the time to recover from pushing myself on Saturday and Sunday.  

My husband and I are sitting around catching up on Mad Men.  That 1950's-60's time period seems so appealing to me.  Being pregnant was a 'condition' - wouldn't that be nice?

It seems as though where ever I turn I am reminded of pregnancy and babies.  There are constant reminders everywhere.  Even when I've had a few beers.  Especially when I've had a few beers.

FYI - I haven't been drunk since June.   I barely ever drink.  I drink once a month, if not less.
  
All this drinking is doing is making me anxious about my blood test results from Friday.  Will the results be available Tuesday?  Will I be thyroid antibody positive?  What will my Doctor say?  Will she treat me for a Hypothyroidism?  Will treating Hypothyroidism really solve my Recurrent Miscarriages?  

There are more questions than answers really.    

Rainbows:       It was a long weekend and thankfully I have been able to get catch up on      
                        the household duties that have been sidelined by Hypothyroid symptoms.
Rainshower:    Alcohol, all of a sudden has not been kind to me.  Making me a paranoid, 
                        nervous drunkard.  What am I saying?  This is to be expected with alcohol.  
                        My apologies.

Thyroid results are in...

My thyroid tests are in and they are unexpected.  

On Tuesday I went to see my Primary Care Doctor.  Thankfully the appointment went well.  I went armed to do battle with all of my research and surprisingly didn't have to fight.  She ordered tests for TSH, T3 and T4.  The results came back Friday.

December 2007 - TSH was 1.78
December 2011 - TSH was 4.34 (the result that started all of my TSH & Miscarriage research)
August 2012      - TSH was 3.36 (I expected it to be in the 5's with all of my symptoms
                                                       - the most debilitating being fatigue and joint pain)
                                                       A helpful Hypothyroid symptom checklist
                          - Free T4 was 0.89 ('normal' range is 0.8-1.8, 'optimal range' is 1.2-1.3)
                          - Free T3 was 3.7 ('normal' range is 2.3-4.2, 'optimal range' is 3.2-3.3)

A good source for putting these test results into perspective, and where I found the 'optimal ranges' above can be found here: http://drrind.com/therapies/thyroid-scale
 
When I called for the results I spoke to the nurse who gave me no indication of what they think of my results.  She only mentioned that they wanted me back at the lab to get the antibodies test now. 

As far as I can tell these results are consistent with a slowly failing thyroid.  I think I fall into that controversial 'sub-clinical' category which is a little frustrating.  

Rainshower:        Being impatient I'd rather have sky high values and get on medication 
                            sooner than later but at least I'm heading in the right direction.
Rainbow:             My fingers are crossed that my primary care doctor read all the research I
                            left with her about miscarriages being linked to TSH levels above 2.5, the
                            new TSH normal ranges, etc. and will put me on meds soon.